Any New Year's Resolutions?

Yes.

I'm going to be nicer to myself.

It doesn't matter who you are, where you are or what you do, the last week in December is always a time of reflection.

This year, I only have the last two working days of work for Christmas, and in my business you really don't feel very Christmassy in the lead-up, except maybe on Christmas Day, by which time it always seems like an anti-climax.

However, every year about this time, you're looking back over the year, thinking of the shitty times and hoping the next year is better. Isn't this just wishing your life away in a different form? I can't help thinking forward. I'm not a planner, more a by-the-seat-of-my-pants sorta girly, wondering what's going to happen next, or more often, ostriching myself in the proverbial sand.

2008 will be my last full year in debt. This time next year, I will be looking at my blog thinking there is just over 3 months to go and I will be beholden to no-one. Soon I will be counting off the days like a personal advent calendar, much like I did during my final written warning period.

Stupid way to live really. I should be making plans - like losing weight, stopping smoking, getting my career on a path that is more satisfying - and yet - typical British Human Female - I'm running up and down on the same spot very quickly just to function.

Enough of the morbid reverie. It's Christmas Eve tomorrow and I've got to work. There will be food everywhere and just maybe I'll be let off early. There's a gorgeous lump of prize beef waiting to be roasted on the day and a husband who is really happy with his lot and frankly, so am I. I don't need to strive for happiness - no-one does - they have their dice or whatever God has given them and there is gold there if they can only look for it.

I haven't blogged for a while, and I put that down to extreme laziness.

Perhaps the most remarkable thing that happened this month is that the payroll went so well - we finished two days ahead of schedule and the total errors discovered after pay day was two. Me and JH are arguing over a possible third, unfortunately the boss agrees with them.

I've also started a short story, which I may or may not finish in time to submit; or maybe by that time I will develop an extreme form of my disease - the one which doubts my ability.

SOH hasn't been well for nearly two weeks now and he almost refused to go to the fireworks Saturday night.

Actually, we both shouldn't have bothered. Usually the fireworks are well organised and good fun, however, this year they blocked the road off too late so the car parks were full, so pedestrians had to run the gauntlet with the traffic; the 'gates' were poorly organised so that people could walk in without paying; the fireworks lasted barely 10 minutes, which is disgusting, most displays last at least 20 and the kids were really disappointed, as was I.

C'm'on Abergele Round Table, you've done a lot better than that.

Well who'd have thought my profession could be 'emergency' huh? Well, that's what happened to our temp today, having been to the interview yesterday, starts a new short term contract job on Monday.

And another one bites the dust.

Me and JH, been there, seen it, done it, and no parole for good behaviour.

I'm really pants at keeping a diary, but maybe that's not so surprising. Took an excellent course last week, paid for by the company, called "Effective Interpersonal Skills". As part of it, you do the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator Test to measure your "average" personality, particularly at work. I ended up being INTP, the main indicator being "Logic" which didn't especially surprise me. Basically, I am intraverted, more intuitive than factual, a thinker rather than a feeler and have an off-the-cuff attitude rather than planned. I also learned that my SOH has almost the exact opposite indicator to me (he wouldn't take the MBTI even if asked, but he would most definitely come out ISFJ and at times, ESFJ).

Learnt a lot about myself and why my relationships with others can sometimes be difficult. Reading the MBTI book, I had to laugh, what an annoying person I can be at work sometimes.

Lots to think about.

The self help book on writing novels is americanised, but excellent. It's already given me some ideas in how to improve "Echoes" and also encouraged me to think about writing some short stories.

I think I'm going to reprise a short story I wrote in my teens that was submitted for a competition - it didn't win, but the story was limited to 500 words, whereas most competitions limits are a lot more. I think the story is still sound, though I'm going to change it slightly and I'll have more words to play with. The various compos I've looked at tend to give free critiques as well.

I'm getting a really really good feeling about all this. Perhaps I should polish up my English grammar though.

On lovely days such as this, in the company of the one I love, I believe myself to be totally blessed and that I live in the most beautiful area of the world.

Oh, I love autumn. It's always been my favourite season, despite the declining daylight hours, but here it is just so special. The visibility to Colwyn Bay and the Ormes beyond was near perfect today, with the sea a gorgeous dark blue with swathes of grey, and cotton puff clouds on a pale blue sky. We have a lot of evergreens here, but the oak and chestnut trees are shedding leaves of burnt orange, each leaf being a masterpiece of unique blend.

And soon, there is the Pensarn beach firework display, usually at the end of the autumn school half term.

All this, gives me enough warmth to last until spring. :-)

Debt. A horrible four letter word. It dawned on me lately though that I have about 18 months left and then I will be completely debt-free, which is no mean feat and will put me in the extremely small percentage that has no credit card, loan or mortgage outstanding.

Strangely though, it may affect my credit rating, and adversely, as the attitude of the various loan companies is that if you don't have some form of debt, you must be a credit risk. Mad.

Anyway, what's happened in the couple of weeks since I last blogged? Well, the c key on my keyboard appears to be playing up which is giving me aggravation as I'm having to hit the darn thing several times before it respondee. Annoying. JS left the dear ol' company, and I will miss him, though I may see him in Rhyl. He has likely been replaced by another who is hearing the spells that they try to cast to entice them into the fold, but I think JH is not quite as blinkered as he was. Wonder if they are male or female? I've been on holiday for a couple of weeks, EL phoned me, wanting some information on the rather-well-known-utilities-company, but I didn't ask after what was happening. I have some standards, y'know.

As often happens at this time of year, I am thinking of education again. I took one of those career tests on the BBC website, and there it is again, psychology. It's one of those subjects that comes up again and again when I take all sorts of different tests to check how my brain works and I must admit, the career oppos do seem to be broader. And safer. After all, society is always going to have problems. Trouble is, psychology is such an expensive and popular subject. It might just be shelved again, until next year, when, doubtless, the tests will tell me again that I am basically in the wrong job.

Though I am getting a self help book on writing novels in the hope that I can get Echoes going again. Finally, I have the full story worked out, I now just have to give it my best.

JS got the job. Well, hardly surprising considering that it's the kind of job he's done for years. Lots more money, and with bonus, much higher than any payroll position he could attain in North Wales. I really am genuinely pleased for him, but me and JH are now wondering who the next temp is going to be and how can they follow a personality like him? We went from The Quiet One to The Archetypal Flamboyant.

Someone in between next, and come on, they've gotta be female, I'm getting outnumbered. :-)

Prrrtttthhhhhhgukgukgukguk.

The sound of me trying to suppress laughter. I mean, you gotta laugh, the situation is getting silly but, frankly, sometimes my employers have it coming to them.

All recruitment and budget approvals for new starters have to come via the little house in Brum. And because the employer are penny pinching {insert favourite detrimental plural noun here} we end up with temps wanting to be permanent but waiting months for the powers to decide, OK, yeah, you do need that person and you have the approval to pay them just above the minimum wage, by which time...

The temp has got a better offer, or at least a chance of a better offer and, well, they would have stayed had they known for sure they were getting a job.

Mad.

Temp who managed to get permanent job has finally realised that employer is not as fair as they thought they were, and the upshot is that Dilbert is the main management training manual. (As an aside, and I don't know if it's true or not, I heard/read somewhere that at least some of the Dilbert cartoons were actually based on experiences at one of our offices. It really wouldn't surprise me. The Office isn't true worklife. Dilbert is, believe me.)

Double mad.

Oh, and best of all, DPTM, the position I went for a little while ago...has been for job interviews on the time off given by the company for hours spent on our beloved client, such a good job well done that person.

Triple mad.

I am in such a good mood though, even though the payroll is behind due to lack of resource. Hmm. Wonder why.

CF's last day today. I wonder how she must be feeling...job set up, house set up, new life set up practically without lifting a finger. I suppose she must be feeling much like I was when I move from south to north, she's going from north to south.

It's crappy at work at the moment, I'm really unhappy. I can't really put my finger on why - though it may be one or two of the people I work with. Maybe it's just cos I'm doing the same thing, day in, day out, with very little job satisfaction. Still, the SOH says that most everyone feels the same way about their job, and maybe I'll snap out of it eventually.

Crappy day today. A couple of errors picked up, one of which I had to face the boss with, who didn't go quite as mental as expected, but depressing nonetheless.

Oh. And I was LIED TO today. I hate that most of all. Why can't people be honest, or be at the very least discreet, rather than come out with a straight lie, given that she made it so obvious?

OK I have been lazy lately. Nothing on LTUAACOTP and nothing on here either.

Good news number one. I don't have gout. Huzzah! Found this out last Friday.

Good news two...hang about, there isn't one. Actually, no, that isn't true. I have my health, my home and my hubby. Right, nuff of the slush.

CF (who was CW) leaves on Friday leaving a gaping hole in the rather-well-known-utilities-company payroll team. Well a hole anyway. Two temps, KW and JS (who I thought wanted to be a nurse, but now I'm not sure, bit confused) want permanent jobs (fooooools).

Sadly, a close relation of the boss's died last week, so there is an air of melancholy around the team, like we're sorta treading gently round her. It's tricky when there are a lot of loose ends to tie up.

I was going to go into work today. I had good intentions to. However, a hacking cough changed my mind and I think I'll just sit out the bank holiday and try and get well.

37 yesterday. And I feel crappy cos I have a nasty bout of flu. Feeling a bit sorry for myself today, birthdays aren't meant to be like that; in bed for most of the day as I felt better asleep than I did awake.

Having an internet radio means that you can access some 6,500+ stations from around the world. We were listening to the aftermath reports from Dominica last night, this morning we're listening to Jamaica. Dean has not hit them yet, and the announcer sounds calm, but you can sense a terrible undercurrent of fear. Joking aside of how incredibly laid back most Jamaicans are (moving in a slow hurry today) or the weather forecasts (its gonna get a bit windy out there) I am very nearly on the verge of tears. They are coming through so loud and clear they could only be just up the road. The faith that is pouring forth from so many of them just makes me realise how blessed I am, when so many Jamaicans are worrying about food, water and even their homes. God bless each and every one of them, they will be on my mind for the next 24 hours and beyond.

OK someone, somewhere must be having a laugh at my expense. Though I have to say that, internally at least, I find my situation somewhat bizarre, and have to chuckle a bit. Have had some trouble with my right big toe. First I thought I must have bruised it. Then I thought maybe I wrenched it somehow. I went to the docs today, expecting oh yeah just a bit of arthritis take these tablets come back if it doesn't clear up so forth, so twenty-eighth.

Um...no. Doc wants to rule out gout.

Gout??!!

Oh well had to happen one day.

Feeling old, frankly. Just had an upsetting phonecall with SOH, not an argument exactly, more just a case of him (again) refusing to let go of a subject, even though it's time to move on.

Same sort of weekend. Didn't do a lot, though the SOH is having fun with the Internet Radio and is not threatening to take this one back. Whilst he's happy I can pretty much do as I please (although secretly he's wanting me to follow less selfish pursuits).

CW has come back as CF, lightly tanned and happy to have married her soldier. It now turns out that Mr F is not going to Iraq as was originally thought, so she can go and join him down south. So, one short on that team in a month, maybe they'll make one of the temps permanent? {re-reads sentence for sense, shrugs, carries on }.

Must must must must MUST lose some weight. I can't get my wedding ring off, even though I would never want to, it would be fairly embarassing if I went to hospital again and they would have to tape over it, rather than remove it. Haven't decided how I'm going to do it, but I'm not going to go in for that horrible shake diet that TB is currently following. Frankly, I would prefer to starve.

Bliss. A day away from the phones is almost as refreshing as a week long holiday. I was doing other stuff today, still related to the-rather-well-known-utilities-company, it involved getting what I know about the client on paper. Or at least on a Word document. Word gets me so aggravated though, why does it constantly guess what you're doing? Why does it keep changing fonts, margins and numbering for no reason and at random? I reckon it's a Bill Gates conspiracy, perhaps he had a bad experience with a secretary years ago. The ultimate revenge for taking out the swear words in his correspondence to those very nice people at IBM.

Ho for the weekend. Felt a bit odd coming home tonight and then realised that, for the first time in 3 weeks, I wasn't going to Llandudno tonight.

I published and edited this entry three times tonight. Something very odd is happening. Normally I ignore the rough bits in my writing.

I updated this diary yesterday before I started the casual surfing that I normally do each evening. I noticed first, with some satisfaction, that blogger have restored the google type links in your profile (perhaps they should be called 'bloggles'?) where you click on an item in your interests and that gives you a list of everyone else who has such an item in their's. Last time I tried this, I was the only one with 'Mike Ripley'. Now there are two, although he does like the more serious crime writers, whom I find a bit too heavy and/or scary.

So...casually, I put in "Mike Ripley" blog in Google, just to see if anyone, on any blog, anywhere, reads his books. Oddly enough, I would never have found the article that mentions my activities on Amazon, had Mike not mentioned a blog earlier in the article ("writer's blog"....hahaha I'll have to try and remember that one), the one that caught my eye was result "In cold blog. Last time out, I delighted in the news that my old and .... even producing an Amazon Top Ten Mike Ripley Books, which is flattering to say the "

Ah....ding dong....I produced the Top Ten Mike Ripley Books on Amazon, so I had to click the link. And I've been seriously 'made up' about it ever since, until the novelty wears off, or probably something happens at work that sends me back down to earth with a hefty and painful bump.

But...everyone needs something like this. When times are bad, or I feel shitty and/or unloved, I can remember this and smile.

Bit weird at work at the moment. I'm treated as boss of the payroll I'm on...but I'm not. I'm sort of enjoying the power without the responsibility.

With 21 new maternities to process today, the conversation turned to the question of the record for the highest number of children to one woman. Turns out it was 69, a Russian woman in the 18th century. She had her first at 17/18 and had a total of 27 confinements (obviously some twins and triplets in there too). Imagine if that happened today on a British payroll. Would drive the payroll department loopy.

It seems summer has arrived. Bout time too.

Had a hard time keeping my composure over the phone today when a guy with a Dublin accent called from the CSA to tell me that an order previously sent was wrong - "So-it-is.". Reminded me of HK in the Surrey office who used to say it all the time, sometimes in a tongue-in-cheek way to emphasise his 'Irishness'.

About 28 hours. That's how long SOH lasted before realising that he could live with mains hum, he needs wireless internet radio. Knew it was going to happen, I know him too well.

Unfortunately, it meant tackling the pretty dire Sunday public transport they have round here. Key in your request to National Rail Enquiries or Arriva, you get nothing but a page of someone clothed in blue and green rolling on the floor and wetting themselves laughing. Well, OK, not quite, but they might as well. Getting into Rhuddlan wasn't too bad but getting back I knew would be hassle. Eventually we got a cab all the way home; the cabbie was on his last shift ever with the company and just charged us a tenner, cos he really didn't give a stuff - had a new job delivering Welsh meat in London.

Two cups of tea and a bacon sandwich later, I've relaxed. And it's been worth it for the smile on the SOH's face.

I was up 'til about 1:30am. Just playing about on the Tosh whilst the SOH sulked about suddenly going from around 5000 radio stations to 20. New bee in his bonnet about getting a Tivoli. Nice. Nice quality. Nice product. Nice price too (not).

Needless to say, wasn't up until about midday and went shopping late, but got bacon. No, real bacon. Having been desperate enough to get the supermarket stuff (mostly water) couldn't stands no more. There's something really satisfying about having Welsh meat in your fridge, knowing you're going to eat well in the next week and not having to nip into Somerfields for some processed crap.

SOH is 'sharing' the PC, by playing Smooth Lounge to his speakers via the headphone outlet, meaning I have to remember to turn my game sounds down. However, since it's Chill, the whistles and random midi interruptions make him think that's its all part of the track. Maybe I'm missing my vocation here. A mixure of Burger Island, Theme Hospital, Lemmings and Civ and we have another 'Music for Lifts'.

Ah. Seems JS is set on being a nurse. Well, I bet that patients are more polite than our employees, or at less you can jab some morphine in patients to keep them quiet, whereas with the employees you can only have weird fantasies.

In other news, we took the Internet Radio back to the shop today and did not walk away with another one. So tonight and tomorrow the search is on for another. Had KFC tonight, first in about 2 years, and despite a lame seagull, which I nicknamed Harry, wanting to share it whilst we sat on the prom enjoying the sunshine and the view, think it was the best takeaway experience in ages. Gosh, It girls would think what a sad life I lead, but believe you me, I am happy. Very happy. Are you?

LW walked out of work yesterday. I think they heard my jaw drop in Rhyl, causing EL to burst into hysterics. Totally unprofessional way to behave (LW that is, not EL, I had to laugh about it), regardless of how much you may hate the job and the client. And besides, she was so darn quiet that it was difficult to know what she was thinking at any time unless you could read her mind. Some people just don't know when they're blessed.

Anyways, JH is back on Monday, and his jaw will drop even further methinks so I will enjoy that, teehee may get some wicked mileage out of it. Amazingly, LW has been replaced today (already), fresh from the agency, by JS. For once, they seem technically orientated and good for a laugh once they've been here a while. On only their first day they were asking about permanent work. Gosh they're keen, they haven't had the rather-well-known-utilities-company bedside manner yet, which can either have you crying into your tea or running screaming into the hills to bang your head against a few rocks.

SOH unhappy with the Internet Radio, but has phoned up the shop who are happy to exchange. Result in our lives for once.

My SOH got me crying last night. No, he wasn't horrible, he was maudling about the hateful day when two may become one. It was all I could do to stop myself sobbing hysterically.

You see, with the age gap between me and my other half, it is my nightmare, the one I pray the day never comes, or at least pray for me to be properly prepared. I love him so much. He has been part of me for the last 20 years. How would I cope without him? Would I want to? It's all very well for me to insist that suicide is against all my beliefs, but who would be around to care?

Such talk is awful I know, but has to come out.