My SOH got me crying last night. No, he wasn't horrible, he was maudling about the hateful day when two may become one. It was all I could do to stop myself sobbing hysterically.

You see, with the age gap between me and my other half, it is my nightmare, the one I pray the day never comes, or at least pray for me to be properly prepared. I love him so much. He has been part of me for the last 20 years. How would I cope without him? Would I want to? It's all very well for me to insist that suicide is against all my beliefs, but who would be around to care?

Such talk is awful I know, but has to come out.